And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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