If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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