I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
