That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
