My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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