Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
