people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
