And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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