Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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