My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
