yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
