from now on my penis is your penis
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
