She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
