Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
