There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
