Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
