return my video game
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
