The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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