You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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