3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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