Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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