dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
