hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
