I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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