Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
