please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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