Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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