I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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