But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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