i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
