where am i from again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
