My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
