New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
