Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
