you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
