Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
