My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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