Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
