If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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