My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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