if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
