I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
People in love make me want to vomit
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
