I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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