i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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