I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
