And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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