I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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