my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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