Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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