theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
