i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
