Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
