My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
