Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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