Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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