last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
