it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
