from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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