Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
