he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
