ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
