She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
