The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
