I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Found your dick twin last night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
