Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
