I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
