just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
