Are we in a gay sports bar?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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