If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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